For most kids, pets aren’t just animals that live with them — they are considered members of the family and best friends. While it’s impossible to shield children from the inevitable heartbreaking loss of a pet due to old age, accident or illness, you can help them cope with the experience.
For some children, this may be their first exposure to death and can be a traumatic experience. Emotions can range from sadness to emptiness, loneliness, guilt for not playing enough with the pet to anger at friends whose pets are still alive. During my research, I came across several sources that cover this subject well, including
PBS Kids,
American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry,
PetPlace,
ASPCA and
KidsHealth.org. Parents will need to gauge how much information the child needs to hear based on their age, maturity level, life experience and questions the child asks.
Breaking the news:
· Do so in a place where the child feels safe and comfortable and where they are not easily distracted.
· Provide consolation, love, support and affection not complicated medical or scientific explanations.
· Be honest by using words like death and dying and explain the permanence of death. Trying to protect children with vague or inaccurate explanations like ‘the dog fell asleep’ may create anxiety, confusion and mistrust.
The grieving process:
· Answer all the child’s questions, simply but honestly.
· Parents can share their feeling about the loss with the child.
· Let the child know it is normal to miss pets after they die and normal to express emotions like crying.
· Everyone mourns differently. Some children want to bury the pet, some make a memorial or have a ceremony. Children need to be given time to remember their pets. Encourage children to write poems or stories or make drawings of the pet.
· It is generally not recommended to immediately replace the pet that has died.
· A child who appears to be overwhelmed by their grief or who is unable to function in their normal routine may benefit from an evaluation by a qualified mental health professional.
Activities for coping:
· Plant a tree or flowers in your yard in your pet’s honor.
· Allow the child to keep something their pet loved like a collar, tag or favorite toy.
· Compile a scrapbook of favorite photos of the pet and let your child help.
· Sit down as a family and have everyone share a favorite memory of the pet. This will help the child understand that everyone else is feeling the loss as well.
Guide to a child’s psyche:
Under age 2:
· A child can feel and respond to the reactions of those around them and pick up the stress of family members — no matter what the cause.
Ages 2 to 5:
· See death as temporary and possibly reversible (like the leaves that fall off the trees and grow back again in spring).
· Child will miss the pet as a playmate but not necessarily as an object of love.
· As they perceive the trauma around them, they may regress in their behavior — i.e. thumb sucking.
Ages 5 to 9:
· Children develop a more realistic understanding of the nature and consequences of death and grasp that death is permanent and final but still may indulge in ‘magical thinking’ believing that death can be defied or bargained with.
Ages 10 and up:
· Although these children understand what death is they may have trouble accepting it. They may go through the normal adult stages of grief — denial, bargaining, anger, guilt, depression and acceptance.
· These children may also regress in their behavior like throwing temper tantrums they have already outgrown.
· These children are capable of reasoning — if their pet can die then their parents could die as well.
Although the experience of losing a pet is never easy, the process of learning how to deal with it can help kids learn how to cope with other losses throughout their life.
photo by: Scott M
Popularity: 34% [?]
DISCLAIMER ALERT: The ideas expressed in this post came out of my own head, were researched by my own eyes and were expressed by my own hands. They are not intended to serve as medical advice in any way, shape or form. And they do not reflect the views of Humana Inc. or any of its subsidiaries. I take full responsibility if you think this post is awesome or not awesome.
