In celebration of Mothers around the world – I’d like to share my favorite quote:
The world is full of women blindsided by the unceasing demands of motherhood, still flabbergasted by how a job can be terrific and tortuous.
The quote, written by Anna Quindlen, was liberating for me as a new (blindsided) mother, just beginning to experience the demands of motherhood. Hesitant to admit aloud that the role was both amazing and excruciating (sometimes all at once), I found freedom in hearing someone else describe my emotions so eloquently. Like millions of moms today, I found comfort and community in the maternal sisterhood of online moms. Access to moms like me across the world was one thing that helped me maintain my emotional health throughout the life-altering carnival ride of parenthood.
Now, two years after the birth of my first child, the euphoria of childbirth has faded a bit and been replaced by the reality of day to day tasks. Every day that passes brings more compassion and connection to mothers in the world who are struggling with the same issues as I, a deeper appreciation for the mothers in my life, and a forgiveness of sorts for my own mother, who as it turns out – is a mere mortal.
Recently, I read several articles online about Madlyn Primoff, the mother from Scarsdale, NY who made national headlines for "flipping out" because of her bickering daughters in the car. Primoff did what mothers have threatened to do since the invention the car. After several warnings, she stopped the car and made the kids get out. Then she drove around the block without them. When she went to pick them back up, one was where she had left her, and the other had taken off on her own, soon to be found at the local police station. Primoff was promptly arrested on child abandonment charges.
While I don’t advocate allowing frustration to drive you over the edge (no pun intended) – haven’t we all been there? Either as mothers or with our mothers, the threat to ‘stop this car’ is something that most people can relate to. I know my mother used the phrase, and even escalated it at times with “do you want me to stop this car and cut a switch?’ The implication of course being that the switch would be used to spank my behind for whatever bad behavior I was displaying. I don’t think she ever actually stopped the car but she did pump the brakes for drama.
I can certainly sympathize with Primoff’s situation – the feeling of being at your wits end when everything feels completely out of control. My daughter isn’t old enough to understand threats to ‘stop this car,’ but I have found myself in circumstances where I felt certain my sanity was at stake. Listening to a child scream to get out of her carseat for an hour and a half will do that to you. I remember sitting in the passenger seat on the way back from visiting family, staring at the invitingly-shiny chrome door handle just begging to be pulled – seriously considering jumping from the car. I would roll across the highway A-Team style and find another way home. Or just jump and not worry about the consequences. Anything to stop hearing the crying from the backseat when everything else had failed.
Feeling empathy for Madlyn Primoff made me feel better about my own loss of control over similar situations. Situations that I can look back on and laugh about now, but at the time were excruciating to experience. I think a similar emotion is behind why so many women are connecting in a deeply emotional way using the internet. Regardless of our access to maternal social circles, we still seek validation, compassion and connection online with others who are experiencing the same frustrations we are. Misery loves company, I suppose, and brings peace when shared.
As our culture has shifted from entire extended families raising children to at times single parents, many parents seek out friendship in people who endure similar difficulties for the same reasons we as humans found comfort in clans hundreds of thousands of years ago. Sharing makes hard times easier and good times even better.
I found national sites like Baby Center extremely helpful because the information was a hybrid of expert advice and commentary from moms everywhere. There are also great local sites like the Fit City Indy Mom’s Blog, which deals primarily with health and wellness topics and the Louisville segment of MomsLikeMe.
I’m also interested to hear what other sites are out there that have helped you keep your sanity throughout parenthood. Any other great ones to share?
Photo by: jonathanb1989
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DISCLAIMER ALERT: The ideas expressed in this post came out of my own head, were researched by my own eyes and were expressed by my own hands. They are not intended to serve as medical advice in any way, shape or form. And they do not reflect the views of Humana Inc. or any of its subsidiaries. I take full responsibility if you think this post is awesome or not awesome.
